Are Gay Bars Really Safe for Women?

As a girl, an ally, a lover of art and good music, I’ve felt the brightly coloured gravitational pull towards the gay scene through its inclusivity, beauty and mirror balls. To enjoy the talented drag shows with my friends then dance through the night to the soundtrack of the 2000s pop anthems, blissfully tucked away from straight men who can’t keep their sleazy, self righteous hands to themselves. It’s a dream night for the girls and the gays. In true pride fashion, the gay scene welcomes everyone who isn’t filled with hate, however, on multiple occasions when I’ve attended a particular gay bar, I’ve had some rather strange encounters. From, funnily enough, straight men!

On social media there has been rather deep debates on whether or not straight men should be allowed in gay bars. The argument being that the community is inclusive and welcomes people from all sexualities and backgrounds, however straight men have notoriously been a danger to women and gay people since the dawn of society. It opens a can of uncontrollable worms, and while some people are upfront and proud of their sexuality, you never truly know what a person feels. This post is not to take part in this conversation, however I’d love to debate a number of issues in future posts, rather to bring to light what I have found on recent visits to my favourite corner of the city.

Buy me a coffee!

Newcastle has a vibrant gay scene especially in the west that draws students and party lovers in from across the country and beyond. In my opinion, it makes the city shine with friendliness. In the past year I have noticed an influx of straight men attending these scenes, solo. Men of whom myself and other girl friends have had skin crawling encounters with. On the last occasion I attended my favourite gay bar, a man was dancing behind me as I was parted from my friends and searching for them on the balcony. He came up behind me pulled my hips towards his, and began to “dance” whilst holding me. It was inappropriate towards a stranger and was not consensual in any way. I froze up for a couple seconds, shocked and embarrassed. Thankfully, I quickly came to my senses and ran off through the crowd. My friends have also reported being grabbed and kissed non consensually by other men in the same place. For the first time, the gay scene has felt like any other bar or club and our pull to go has weakened. You may ask why we didn’t go up to security and staff to ask for help. The matter is, it’s so normalised in club culture that girls encounter men like this that it’s not until we discuss with each other that we discover how horrific it actually is. Usually, when we’re all together, we are able to defend each other and physically or verbally push the man away— we take our safety into our own hands. It turns out a gay bar is still a bar.

Many places have ‘ask for Angela’ posters glued to the back of cubicles which is a great way to discreetly and directly make staff aware of any unsavoury people who pose a threat to safety. However, in a crowded place, saying “a man grabbed me and tried to dance with me inappropriately” doesn’t seem enough to kick someone out. With more security on the look out, perhaps these issues could be resolved more smoothly, however the cost during these times may not be attractive in the eyes of the owners. It’s an issue that girls have always faced and perhaps always will unless straight men learn how to control themselves like human beings.

In ugly truth, a girl or gay is never safe on a night out, not even in a place they feel comfortable. We don’t have the power to change how a man acts towards us, and to do that means uprooting the entire system of society, something that takes a lot of time and patience. With new influences from social media and the far right, it seems like men are un-evolving and becoming an even larger threat to… well, everyone. Could this be a reason for the influx of straight men in the gay scenes? That seems like a much larger investigation, one that a professional should get their hands on.

To conclude this post, I’d like to say thanks to all the girls and gays who look after their friends on a night out and even during the day. Growing up, we have been told that monsters aren’t real, but we all know they hide in plain sight. Stay safe!

Any comments are welcome, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject.